Puerile Delusion.!!

I looked at the wide gape of her mouth; I wasn't cynical about her senses being paralyzed. Her muscles went numb, they didn't move an inch. It was a drop of sweat collapsing from her temple that made me feel there was another life in the room - she stared at me like a droid.
             I smiled at her, she was the only sibling I had. She was the elder one; she was all, me and my parents had. Ours was a happy little family. But the thought of her dying gave me goosebumps, I again smiled at her. We are the best of friends so much that we don't need words to communicate. Our eyes did a lot more than mere words. She would die a bitter death but it isn't an age for that. I cursed our God for letting her die. The thoughts of her heart trying to cease and she trying to get a way out of it to live, to love and to be loved, seemed pathetic to me. I closed my eyes and let my fear fall but then when I looked at her, I again smiled.

It was half past noon when mum came running down from the stairs. She was howling in such a poignant manner that dad stood up and gave me a barren look. I could tell by his expression that he was sure of Katie's death. We three ran upstairs into her room, each wishing for the best. We lost our Katie forever. Mum was unable to afford such a pain; she collapsed in front of me, smothered. I hugged her tight and took her to her room, because now she was  my responsibility. Dad was still standing stiff and looking at Katie.

I placed mum on the bed and kissed her softly. I went back to Katie's room and stood beside dad, looking at Katie, my only sister. The bullet has gone straight across her heart pouring blood  from the little hole in her heart I made; had it been her brain, I couldn't have had been sure of her death. I looked at dad, tears came flowing out of his eyes, I held his hands because now there was no Katie and it was my responsibility to look after him and when he looked at me, I again smiled - because now all the toys, the dresses and the love wouldn't have to be shared. They were solely mine. I would now get new dresses, new toys and new love. And give Katie a little share from mine, just the way she used to give me till today. Mum and dad are mine now. Katie is now just a memory to be cherished.

And so when I looked at Katie, I again smiled.

 
   

The Souls Unlike.!

I am the richest soul alive in the New York City. I jumped in triumph when I got my very first modelling contract. I was on the top of this world. The thought of travelling the whole world, me as a super model, the thought of the fame I was going to have, the thought of the lakhs of paparazzi encircling me and trying to get a single hint of my lifestyle, made me that jubilant person I have always dreamt about. I knew I was born to be famous, I knew I was made to be rich. I have that handsome looks that any man would die to have for, I have that dashing looks that can make any girl go weak in her knees. I am the dream of the dreamers….…..

……..This was the first time in the past 3 years that I am here in my hometown to meet my family.  No sooner than I arrived, I stumbled into a beautiful face that I once knew. Ah! She is the girl whom I dumped for better reasons of my life. She was my girl. I looked her closely while still sitting inside my posh car. We had a cute relationship; she was the cute pretty girl with whom I could share anything and everything of my life, she was the one who loved me irrespective of what I was.  She had loved me with all her soul. But I wanted something more, someone prettier. She wasn't the one I wanted. So I dumped her before flying to the New York City to have my awaited king-size lifestyle……..

………I waited till she disappeared from my sight. I waited for her to look at me and smile, if not smile, at least look at me. I was the man she had loved truly. But she didn’t look at me for once. Not a single time she even tried to look at me. I wasn’t habituated with such an attitude, neither from her, nor from anyone in this world. I was the super model, one of the richest person alive.! And yeah, she was always excited to be with me, when we were a couple. We were so happy. I was so happy.!  She has changed, yeah she has. Or is it that she got someone better than me?!  Better than me?!! Huh!! I must be kidding.!! Why am I even waiting for her to smile at me?! Am I insane?  I am a super model, and she?!  Well, she is nothing compared to me; I just can’t smile at anyone and everyone.

I was on my way back to home from my office. A slender big posh car caught my eyes. I looked at it in awe. I have given every second of my life to my career, to be a good engineer. I can afford a car very soon. I was happy with that thought.  I had to buy a car and give it to my mum.  A little more hard work and I can surely achieve my dream. I was deep in thought just when the face of a handsome young man got me struck. For a moment or two, I was blank- I was completely blank in my mind. I looked at him smiling at another man. Was it that fake smile which I knew once? He is the man- err, or would I say that guy, I am in love with. He is that person who dumped me three years ago because of prettier women. My heart began thumping aloud. Somewhere within myself, I still loved him, I still thought about him, whether he misses me or not; but the answer had always been no. I have seen him in the news with his current girlfriend, she too a super model; the third girlfriend in two years and I have cried some more then.  I am nothing in front of her looks. He got whatever he wanted in his life- fame, money,  women prettier than me. He is happy. I cannot be the person who crosses his mind even for a second. I wanted to flee, I wanted to hide. I looked away from him………..

…………I hastily walked passed by him. I didn't look back at him. I knew I would be again having those deadly nights, crying for him. But maybe I was wrong. It wasn't  a minute after seeing my  mother waiting for me with a smile, that I forgot about him, that I saw him after 3 years, the guy whom I loved like anything- I forgot about him.! I was deep into my normal present life. I am a happy girl now, which I couldn't be when I was with him ever. Love cannot be one sided ever. I am satisfied with my life now, I am so happy now. His presence, his fake smile, didn't do much to me. I am happy that I am overcoming my past.  I finally realized I am the happiest when single; without him…….

……It’s tough to fall in love more than once. But if it happens, it’s simply magic. And I believe in magic. I have fallen in love with my life....!

Making 1 Year!! :)

Yes! Time can fly! It was on the same day one whole year back, when she decided to create this lovely notebook for herself, for her life! And here I proved to be the best companion she ever had. I saw her crying, I saw her laughing,I saw her thinking hard to write something and then again scratching it out but yeah, I never ever saw her getting irked and I saw her growing! And I never knew how this whole year went past by! So, here's wishing myself and her a lovely 1st Year Blogoversary! :D





Thank you for supporting and loving me! Oh yeah, she told me to mention one more thing and that is, without You, We are nothing! :)

3 Things That Inspire Me About Sachin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKW_XHRLxng&h

Sachin, he is someone we don't really have to introduce to anyone. The kids, the men, the women- each has got something or the other about him, that inspires them. And to write about the three things about him that actually do inspire me is certainly I would love to share!

Firstly, I just love the way he portrays himself as a "Man". Ask any lady, and you will know it undoubtedly that how every girl loves the way he has mastered himself in it. And what is here for me to get inspired here? I want a man like him in my life! ;)

Secondly, the way he is protective about his own kids that I have watched in one of his interviews. He has perfectly owned my mind and heart! Not only his skills, but he himself is an inspiration to each one of us.

Thirdly, who won't get inspired by the "World's best batsman"??!! I wasn't very much a cricket fan, myself! But its him who keeps me hooked to any match. I have started watching as well as fallen in love with cricket only because of him, Sachin Tendulkar. Or would I say "The Sachin Tendulkar!" 

Yes, That Grumpy Old Man

2ND PART

1 Month Later

Sorry. Sorry for breaking the window of your car. I threw the ball, yes, that's true but it wasn't my ball, dude uncle uncle's dad old uncle old dude dude. Please don't call the police, please! I am Sorry and John is sorry too as it was his ball. He didn't say that but I know. And I think your car is very old. So it won't be a big deal, you know! Please sell it and buy a new one. It's an advise advice.

From Ryan, I am the boy in the yellow shirt at whom you shouted.

Huh! Advice! He must have known the spelling of it correctly before rendering me with one!

   
Mr.Gilbert closed Ryan's very first letter and got hold of the cup of soothing coffee. Days passed but neither did Mr.Gilbert receive another letter from the kid nor did he see him another day playing in the lawns in front of his house, with the other boys. 

Something must have happened to Ryan or may be he read my letter and kept it fixed there itself! May be he is scared of me now - uttered his venerable yet adamantine oubliette-like brain. Mr.Gilbert opened another letter from the box, which held 12 more little letters of the same kind after taking a sip of the warm coffee and placing the cup rightly on the table.

Hello dude! Just writing to you for something exciting today. Okay, guess it while I gulp down the milk mom gave me. You know, I hate milk! But you know my mom! I don't want to take any risks with her. So here I have to drink the whole milk now, before she comes back again from kitchen within 5 minutes, mom said. That's the deathline deadline, she told me. Okay, so keep guessing, what for I am writing to you today!

   Noooo.... Nooooo!! Nothing happened in school. Kate? No, she didn't come too. Wait, there's a surprise! Okay, More three months to go, for something very special. You must have already guessed by now. Yes, Its my birthday! Ting!!  Dad said he will buy me a bigger bicycle this birthday if I score A in numbers and I am sure I will. And mom said she will invite all my friends home for a party! We will have a whale of a time, dude! And there, mom doesn't know you, so I am inviting you to my birthday. You will get cake to eat. Isn't it wow?! And you can meet all my friends too, and yes, you have to bring a gift for me. All friends do when they come. 

                           What would I like?! Mom told I should not ask for any gifts from anyone. So you can bring anything you like, but I like story books and video games too. Well, I forgot to tell you the date. You can well understand how excited I am, isn't it?! Okay, okay, its on 12th of August. See you there, dude! We will have fun.

By the way, I have a question, why don't you write back to me? Can't you write on your own? Or are you still angry with me? Or you don't like the way I call you dude? 

From Ryan.

Mr.Gilbert realized that his coffee was staring at him with a cold eye. He got up and was going towards the kitchen as something caught his weary sight. The calender which hung from the wall, showed that it was Sunday, the 12th of August!

Oh no! Today is Ryan's birthday! The thought of Ryan's absence and hence made him itch with anxiousness. He went towards the window but there wasn't Ryan anywhere. Mr.Gilbert sat on his bed while Ryan's handwriting wandered through out his mind.

Why wasn't I writing to Ryan so many days even when he went on writing to me? Didn't I like his addressing me as dude?! No, not at all! I find it cool, oh I mean, I find it okay! Why didn't I like him? Just because he broke my car's window and then didn't even hesitate giving me advice about it? No, I don't think so! Do I really hate him? I don't really think so, I mean I quite like that kid! May be I am missing him and so his absence is so much worrying me! And may be he's just the only friend I have in my life,in my whole bloody life?! And today is his birthday, and shouldn't I write a letter to him? But well, he won't come and take it?So what do I do now?! 

Thoughts kept him busy through out the day. Yes, he missed that annoying kid! He has started loving that kid. He didn't annoy him anymore. He loved Ryan, just the way he once loved his own son who ditched him together, along with his wife. But he was scared, scared of getting ditched again. He promised never to care for anyone in his life, but his doddery heart gave up on his decision at last.

 Mr.Gilbert sat on his chair with a paper, a pen and the ink, again. He started writing -

Hello, kid  dude! Happy Birthday! By the way, how old are you with this birthday?! 

The Grumpy Old Man, Harry! (Did your mom say what Grumpy means?)

He closed the letter and put it inside an envelope. He put on his favorite shirt and his more favorite coat and stepped out of his house, his hand holding his favorite letter. He started walking towards the park and walked and walked until he saw a yellow house just behind the park.

To Be Continued....

To read the 1st part please click on the link - http://preetidesarkar10.blogspot.in/2014/02/the-grumpy-old-man.html

                    

Unbeaten Solitude

I ran. I ran amidst the black-hearted, egregiously demonic wood. All I could feel was the vicious smell of the cacodemons approaching me. I held my breath and I ran. I ran faster, I ran harder. I had to save us. The limpid beats of Pari's heart and mine became louder to my senses. The stories of the woods my mother told me when I was a little girl always had given me goosebumps. But who knew these dastard woods will be my only refuge today!

Pari was awake from the shock I gave her tonight. She looked at me and started crying. But I didn't stop. This is the first time Pari's tears didn't make me worried, didn't make my heart wrench. But I was afraid, afraid to lose her. Her cry made me irked and angry. It scared the hell out of me.

I angrily said, whispering to her - Shut up, Pari. Just stop crying!

But Pari, a girl who was totally like her mother, stick intent to her decision of crying and making me even more impatient. I could see through almost every qualities that she has acquired from me. The restlessness which I still possess, the beautiful little face which exactly resemble mine, the curly hair - not an inch different from my long hair. She soothed me, her tears made me more desperate. Her pretty little face made me determined about my decision, about the drastic attempt I have taken tonight. I felt at ease. She wasn't a bit like her father. No, she wasn't! 

My raging heart could never leave her alone with her father. I was restless every moment when she was with him, while I lay alone in this cruel dark world. 

I would tell the world, I would tell the court that she is the only thing I have. I love her like no one does. Her father cannot love her the same. Her father doesn't have a heart. 

I stopped in the dark looking all around. All I could see was darkness. It was a pitch-black world I live in. I know I cannot give her the lavish life she led at her father's, I cannot render her expensive birthday parties and gifts like her father did, I can never buy her a dress like the one she's wearing right now. I know I can't. But I know I can give her my life, my love, and myself which was enough for her to be with me. I am her mother, I have carried her within myself for nine long months and this was a reason enough for the world to leave the two of us alone. The law, the courts, the judges, her father and his wife cannot snatch her from me. She is mine from breakfast to dinner.

              The only survivor of our relationship was Pari. We were constantly fighting over her, I wanted to take her with me, the only one I had. But Raman wasn't in a mood to leave her either. What else did he want when he had his beautiful Priya with him, I never understood!
        What happened to those days when he made a thousand promises to me, he knelt down and proposed me to get married to him and gave me a wonderful ring at our marriage? I was happy then, we were a very cute couple. Pari came in our lives two and a half years after our marriage. She made us complete.



Our kins had just left the hospital when Raman whispered into my ears - I have another angel in my life! Thank you, love.


The pain of the stitches on my belly, the exhaustion from giving birth, vanished all of a sudden like a puff, when he said those words. I blush every time I remember those words. I was excited to lead a happy life together. I dreamt of holding Pari's hands together and make her walk, tell her bed-time stories and then kiss her goodnight together but Priya came in between us. She has playfully snatched away my husband from me and destroyed our family and my life!

                The marriage, the promises, our thousand nights didn't matter anymore to Raman. I didn't matter anymore to him. All matters to him now, is Priya. And Priya is with him. Then why, why is he trying to snatch Pari away from me?!

I thought not the whole world was this cruel but they broke my imaginations in air when the court announced Pari would stay with her father after our divorce! I died a thousand deaths the moment it was announced. They couldn't see the love a mother has for her baby, all they could see was Raman's money, his big house, his luxurious cars and his charm with which he fooled even me! I saw Raman and Priya smiling wide the moment they heard the judgement. Raman looked at me and expressed his long depressed feeling through his crooked gestures-- I told you, I would win! 




        



              Pari finally stopped crying as I silently sang lullabies to her. Aah!! I know she must have craved for them each night while her father and Priya lay beside each other in some other room. I so missed her.! Pari closed her eyes and went into her dreams. I kissed on her cheek. Yeah, I kissed her nearly after 8 months. My hands began to tremble as I held her in the dark, cold wood. I only had one shawl which I perfectly arranged for Pari to sleep. I sat beside her in the dark, trembling as the cool breeze blew above us. But it didn't bother me anymore. I smiled my victorious smile! I am a kidnapper. Yes, just like the one which my mother had described to me when I was like Pari. I did just like what my mother had once told me; I went into Raman's big bungalow, killed the gatekeeper whom once I used to call Ravi-kaka, entered Pari's big room from the window, saw Priya there, killed her when she shouted on seeing me and then took Pari in my ever waiting hands and ran.


The world would now call me a murderer but I simply don't care. I have my Pari with me. I wouldn't have to kill them if Raman would have let me stay with her. He snatched her away from me, I snatched away his happiness.I looked at Pari's beautiful face and again smiled my victorious smile - I told you, Raman.I would win!

Star-Crossed

                                                             

To see the honor, please click on the link - spicy-saturday-picks-march-1-2014

My cell phone was juddering and flashing for the 5th time now. Exasperated, I clutched it and threw it into my coat pocket. Sachin, Mrs.Kandimalla and others who gathered in the conference room looked at me worriedly as I paused giving my Presentation.

"Umm.... Sorry! Sorry for the interruption!" I looked at their questioning faces. 

After more 15 minutes, I took up my bag and hastily walked out of the room. I wanted to call Varun and sort out things but I hesitated. I was petrified.  

I sat in my car and sighed. I looked at his missed-calls again. No! Its time now! I must call him and end everything. I dialed his number.

                  "Hey! Soumi, I wanted to ask you something! I knew you will call me back."  I suddenly heard a not-expected-buoyant voice from the other side.

"I was busy, Varun and you know it. I was having an important meeting!" I was brash enough to break his heart again.

"Oh.. Yeah I thought you are with Sayak. Sorry!" His voice became intense.

"Ohh!! For God's sake Varun, stop this now!" I retorted back.

There was silence for another few seconds. "Anyway why did you call me?!" 

"Hmm.... Can we meet for a last time, Soumi?"

"Why?!" 

"No! I mean, just like that. I will be going off to Australia next week, Soumi. Just wanted to see you for the last time!" I was afraid of his weeping but I kept my rude voice consistent.

"Oh! But today I am going to tell Sayak that I want no divorce from him, that I am in love with him. I don't think we should meet anymore, Varun. I hope you understand!"

"He won't believe you, Soumi. He knows you love me! He can't trust you anymore. Don't leave me, Soumi!" Varun pleaded.

"I will make him understand. He's my husband. He will understand me! You're my past, Varun." 

"Please Soumi!!" I felt Varun burst into tears.

"Huh! Varun, stop crying. I didn't cheat on you ever, Varun. I fell for him. You could have understood if you were married too."

"Hmmm......" I heard his silence again.

"Hello, Varun.... I am late. We can talk later." 

"No its ok. We don't need to talk anymore. Bye and take care!" 

I switched off my cell phone and sat quietly for another 10 minutes inside my car. Sayak loved me but I didn't, when I married him. Varun and I were a couple since our college days. We were immensely in love with each other but I had to marry Sayak as he was a Bong. Yeah, in short I was forced to marry Sayak. 

           

                             
                                   I was driving my car and trying to focus on the traffic but my mind wandered back to the night when I confessed everything about Varun and my husband sat there in shock. And tonight, when everything is ready for divorce and all the papers are with me, my heart ditched on Varun. The three years of Sayak and me, the silent dinners we had together every night, our separate bedrooms, his silence from the other room at night while I lay on the bed talking to Varun-- left my heart confined in his house, confined in the man who stays with his wife, but not his lover. The time, the fate had left my heart confined with the man who loved a stranger. 

And now I am in love with this man. I am not really sure whether he will understand me. I am scared he will still sign the papers,which he knew, were waiting for him tonight. I am scared to lose him, and yes, I have told this to Varun. I hope Varun didn't consider me as a cheat. I hope Varun will find a lovely girl for himself. I hope Varun will forget me.

        "Hi, Sayak. Had a very important meeting today and I guess, it went good." I  said as I saw Sayak sitting on the sofa and his eyes, glued to the television screen.

Our three-storied house was silent. "Sayak.. How was your day?" I asked him after a pause.

"Ah. Good." He replied without looking at me.

"I have something to tell you, Sayak. Can you please look at me?!" 

"Go and change first. You're tired!" Sayak looked at me and smiled.

                             

I was splashing waters on my face when I felt something sting behind me. A sudden pain engulfed my body, awning my vision. I felt a huge lump inside my throat! I struggled to turn around and look at Sayak smiling at me gracefully, holding a knife which was red.

The shock immersed in the throbbing, crude pain as I fell onto the ground. Sayak sat beside me while I wailed on the floor. He whispered - "Sorry, Soumi! I love you. Either you're mine or you're dead."

     

Raef In Love

It was one balmy day of late summer , last year, when I first saw her. Yes, that was the moment I knew she was the one! May be she was too pretty to be mine but my little red pumping-heart was hell-bent on its decision about her. I can perfectly cast my mind back to that evening when she came running to take the ball, which her master's son threw. I was waiting for Nina as we were to go for a walk.

And there she came towards me, wagging her tail. 

Man, she was gorgeous! 

I stood there dumbfounded, looking at her, forgetting all about Nina and the world.

 I heard Nina calling me out-- "Hey! Raef, let's go dude!"

But I avoided Nina,the girl whom I considered my best friend for the past 2 years- I just couldn't help it. I felt my tail wagging in merriment when she came near. I cannot explain the feeling to you guys. It was.... quite a feeling.... I mean.... you will know it if ever you have been in Love! 

She looked at me as the rolling ball stopped behind me,ahhh- I knew it was God's will that took her here. I turned around to see Nina looking at me. Yet again I avoided her gaze, took the ball into my mouth and went towards Sasha- yes, its her name and mouthed (well, when you people can call it "handed", why can't I call it "mouthed"??) over the ball to her. Before taking it, she barked twice! 

                 



 Later, she told me those two barks were the signals to make me understand that she likes me too! 

     

   Huh!! I was such an airhead!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend , an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.